May 12th, 2005

lyrical Mello

(no subject)

My latest life-threatening trouble is the confirmation. Yes, I'm catholic. Yes, I'm the right age. But I didn't feel I was ready at the beginning of the year, and I told the priest such, and he said 'All right, there will be other years.' I had my doubts, some problems with myself, then throw a little crisis of faith after my Grandfather's death, and I thought 'Hey, no sweat, I can go any time in the future, next year maybe?'. And while a few months ago I got a grip on myself, straightened out my beliefs and started paying attention to more spiritual aspects of life, I decided that, since the other people preparing have a tremendous head start, I should wait until next year.

And all was dandy until Aunt Iwona asked me to be little Oliwia's Godmother. You can't be a Godparent without the confirmation.

I have a meeting tomorrow with the priest, and hopefully, he will agree with m reasoning, especially seeing as I got a good opinion from our Religion teacher. But I'm nervous as hell, and it was Mum who set up the meeting, seeing that one of her workers is the priest's brother, and she said that she could hardly get the words to come out of her throat, the situation was so awkward, and I act like I don't care.

Also, my initiative in life (or rather lack thereof) was thoroughly discussed, and I had to agree. Mum is right, I HAVE to get a life besides the school and my books and the net. But I'm terrified, terrified of the uncertainty, of leaving my safe little academic world, but she made me realize that knowledge isn't enough to be fully human, and that I have to start taking responsibility for myself. Because until now, I really haven't.

And I still can't decide on my Saint Patron.
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